Sunday, January 18, 2009

Writers Are Better

Shane Stay
c 2009

Writers are better than musicians because the book lasts longer than the tape, CD or record. I love the fact that Voyager 1 is carrying a gold record. Only an advanced life form can play the information on it. For the tape, CD or record one needs electric sources to play them. Voyager 1 also has the written word, which brings me to my point: the written word lasts ages, dare I say forever.

Back to writers vs. musicians. Beyonce has the image of being better than most every other human and animal on the planet. (Thankfully the recipients of Voyager 1 will not know this.) Do I think it is fair that she’s better than a komodo dragon or rhinoceros? No, but I’m here to say she is not better than writers! No, she is not. We are better and here is why:

In ten thousand years, when our civilization has since disappeared, from one catastrophe or another, future archaeologists, or visitors from another planet, dimension, what have you, will be rummaging through our artifacts and when they come across a Beyonce CD they will know that the CD is of a higher intelligence; the CD itself, not necessarily the information on it, though I’m sure Beyonce is very bright. (I actually like some Beyonce songs and if it seems like I’m picking on her it is only because I can’t go anywhere without hearing her name, combined with that name: Beyonce! It’s fun to say! Especially during intellectual dinner conversation, people will look at you oddly, “Well, according to Beyonce, global warming is not just limited to first world, industrial nations but also contagious to the developing world.”)

These futuristic archaeologists will need electricity and a stereo and an electric outlet to play a CD, all of which is dependent on an electric generator. I’m not convinced reconstructing the Hoover Dam is worth it for a Beyonce CD. Not to mention, man has been around for some one million years and only in our contemporary time have we been able to create self-sustaining electricity. This raises another issue: has electricity only now been used by man? Hmm? Man has been around a long time and if we are led to believe this is true by mainstream thought, then I’m joining a new team. The team of John Anthony West, Erik von Doniken and all the other “quacks” that espouse craziness on Coast to Coast AM. (I do not think they are “quacks” and I’m sure their parents love them.) I however, give credence to the notion that ancient Egyptians, and I mean ancient Egyptians farther back than three thousand BC, were using electricity (to my eyes their hieroglyphs have lamps and electric sockets and electric currents) and this is based off the idea that Egypt is much older than mainstream science is willing to accept. The Sphinx is thought to be older than the 10,000 BC era, based off of water erosion lines on its back and Beyonce thinks she is better than the Sphinx? I think that is pretty arrogant.
You’re probably wondering what the hell my point is? And I’ll be honest with you: I am too.

What I think I was trying to say is that Beyonce thinks she is better than ancient Egypt. That and whether or not man has used electricity in the ancient past is negating the fact that CDs must be played with electricity. Without it you’ve got only a CD in your hand, assuming future archaeologists have hands. Or maybe they have morphed into lizard like hands. Hopefully not dog paws because then the shovel would become superfluous and what kind of archaeological site would it be without the shovel? (Heinrich Schliemann would not want to hear such a thing!) Or, they might have hands as we know them, but they hold everything with tongs. These are just variables we cannot determine at this time, and I do not intend to prove this theorem of determining what futuristic archaeologists will have to hold things with; it does not strike me as auspicious research for a Nobel Prize. And when I wake up every morning I think only one thing: how can I win the Nobel Prize?

What is everlasting is the written word, in a book or chiseled into stone. The latter of which I intend to utilize so that my words will be immortalized in time, with one problem: publishing companies do not like this idea. But I will copy my best writings to stone like the great pyramids, just more proof that Atlantis preceded them; the pyramids that is, not my writing; though I would like to take credit for the existence of Atlantis. I know what you are thinking: why do the pyramids point to the existence of Atlantis? Oh come on man! The pyramids?! We still haven’t figured out how they put them together and they were built at the dawn of human civilization!

Doesn’t this strike you as odd? The dawn of human civilization and there was no preceding civilization to help create such a masterpiece?! Atlantis, or some other lost civilization under a different name, is real! Get used to it!

With that said, where is Beyonce now? That’s what I thought. You are famous honey, but we writers will be better than you any day, now or ten thousand years future.